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B4 The Bell Wednesday March 17


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#226

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Posted 18 March 2004 - 12:22 AM

One day Mrs. Flanagan feels sickly and goes to the doctor for a look
at. The doctor looks her over and says, "Well now, Mrs. Flanagan. I'm
a perplexed on your condition but if you bring a urine specimen to me in
the morning I can tell exactly what's wrong."

Mrs. Flanagan went home and said to her husband, "The doctor wants me to
bring him a urine specimen in the morning. I don't know what a urine
specimen is, what am I to do?"

Mr. Flanagan replied, "I don't know, but if you go see Mrs. O'Toole,
she'll know what to do."

Mrs. Flanagan then went down the road to Mrs. O'Toole's and returned a
few minutes later with her clothes torn, a black eye, bruises all over
her body, and her hair tangled like a bird nest.

A shocked Mr. Flanagan gasped, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, woman! What
happened to ye?"

"I went to see Mrs. O'Toole and asked her what a urine specimen is and
she said 'Piss in a bottle, woman.' So, I said 'Go shit in yer hat !'
And the fight was on."


An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a
train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying "I know that,
in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork...Have you actually ever
tasted it?
The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."
Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion,
too...I know you're suposed to be celibate. But...."
The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have succumbed
once or twice."
There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he
was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?"

Padraic Flaherty came home drunk every evening toward ten. Now, the Missus
was never too happy about it, either. So one night sh hides in the cemetery
and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him. As poor Pat wanders by, up
from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming,
"Padraic Sean Flaherty, sure and ya' don't give up you're drinkin' and it's
to Hell I'll take ye'". Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded, "Who
the hell ARE you?". Too that the Missus replied, "I'm the divil ya' damned
old fool". To which Flaherty remarked, "Damned glad to meet you sir, I'm
married to yer sister."

Tim Kelly was walking therough a dim passageway when someone spoke to him.
"Good evenin', Kelly," said the muffled figure. "Don't ye be knowin' your old
friend Grogan any more?"
Kelly stared at Grogan, whose face was a patchwork of bandages and adhesive
plaster. One arm was in a sling and he was leaning on a crutch.
"Saints!" cried Kelly. "Was ye hit by a train, Grogan, or did ye merely jump
from the trestle?"
"It could've been both," said Grogan, "considerin' the feel of it. But the
truth is, I was in bed with Murphy's wife when Murphy himself comes in with a
murtherin' big shillelagh in his hand, and the inconsiderate creature beat the
livin' bejazus outa me."
"He did indade," said Kelly. "But couldn't ye defend y'rself, Grogan? Hadn't
ye nothin' in your own hand?"
"Only Mrs. Murphy's ass," said Grogan. "It's a beautiful thing in itself, but
not worth a dom in a fight."

#227 BarBu

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Posted 18 March 2004 - 12:25 AM

More Irish

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Where is my 4th Sharmrocks leaf?

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My TGLDX (TOCQUEVILLE GOLD FUND)? or my PCRDX (PIMCO COMMODITY REAL RETURN)?

#228 brian4

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Posted 18 March 2004 - 12:25 AM

An old favorite so i shall repeat it-an irishman, a scotsman and a american are drinking in a bar-the scotsman says nice bar but back in Glasgow every 3rd drink is free, the american says back in jersey every second drink is free, the irishman says back in Dublin the first 5 drinks are free and THEN they will take you in the back and get you LAID. They said WOW to the irishman-did that happen to you and he said- "NO but it did to me sister!" ;)

#229

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Posted 18 March 2004 - 12:28 AM

:lol:

#230

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Posted 18 March 2004 - 12:32 AM

Gap & crap

Stock Indexes Value Change Time
Nikkei 225 11,529.25 + 92.39 13:31

#231 depends

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Posted 18 March 2004 - 12:32 AM

Remember when FDRY was a really great stock to own.
Could other wonderful companies get cut in half just like this?

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#232 BarBu

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Posted 18 March 2004 - 12:37 AM

Remember when FDRY was a really great stock to own.
Could other wonderful companies get cut in half just like this?

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CSCO Intel GE ... to name just a few

#233 Madame Wrecked Him

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Posted 18 March 2004 - 12:43 AM

CSCO Intel GE ... to name just a few

mrk and jnj too....

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#234 depends

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Posted 18 March 2004 - 12:47 AM

This is fun.
ITT Tech - We want to lern!
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#235 The End

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    Anything is possible!

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Posted 18 March 2004 - 12:47 AM

I have owned Merck since birth.No blastfimy here please. :rolleyes:
NONE of what I type, should be taken as financial advice.

And when you loose control, you'll reap the harvest that you've sown
And as the fear grows, the bad blood slows and turns to stone
And it's too late to loose the weight you used to need to throw around
So have a good drown, as you go down, alone
Dragged down by the stone.


--Waters

#236 depends

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Posted 18 March 2004 - 12:57 AM

This one caused a few tears. Now how can we pick out the next jumper?
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