Jump to content


Photo
- - - - -

"a Different World"


This topic has been archived. This means that you cannot reply to this topic.
No replies to this topic

#1 spcwby

spcwby

    Stock Proctology Intern

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 10 posts

Posted 31 December 2003 - 11:13 AM

:ph34r: ....become teenagers in 2004.....most defintely in "A Different World" (not the tv sitcome of many years ago)! Reposted from Clearstation member 'Footquarters'......Happy New Year to all the esteemed members on Doc's site! Wishing all the very best that life has to offer in '04....Spcwby B)

Children born in 1991 will officially become teenagers this year, in 2004! Yes, that’s right! They’ve grown up in a different world entirely. Here are some tips for the up and coming teenagers of the ‘00s.

1. It is not necessary to learn anyone’s phone number by heart. That’s what the Caller ID and Memory functions do.
2. You must buy a new phone in the unlikely event that you call someone and hear a series of short buzzing sounds. Your phone is broken.
3. When you call someone and their phone just rings and rings, you have an emergency on your hands. You must find a way to contact them immediately to tell them that something is wrong, as you were unable to leave a message.
4. Flying is always the preferable method of traveling any distance over 2 hours. Your parents should not bore you with stories of 25-hour car trips with 6 kids in the car.
5. When forced to take these horrid, long car trips, you must bring a long a Game Boy and personal CD or MP3 player. The car must also be equipped with a DVD player and your parents should buy you at least one DVD for every hour you’re expected to travel. You must not be subjected to a “family conversation”, or God forbid, your parents’ choice of music. It is not fun to play “the license plate game” as it is not digital and therefore cannot be scored properly. “I packed my trunk with…” is way too hard and is a waste of time.
6. It is absolutely necessary that your parents buy you a cell phone before your 12th birthday. It is impossible to go through one day without being able to call people when you want to and receive calls. It is absurd that your parents do not see the wisdom in this. When they say no, remind them of the last kid who was abducted. You’ll increase your chances by 95%.
7. Living without cable is like living without electricity. It’s bad enough you don’t have TiVo. Your parents are lying when they tell you that they only had 3 networks and PBS when they were kids. The terms UHF and antennae are completely made up. They might also mention something about a “dial” on a TV. Please, do not believe this.
8. In order not to be required to watch stupid or boring TV shows and movies, you must have your own TV and DVD player in your bedroom. Do not believe your parents when they tell you they did not even have a VCR in the house. Weren’t VCRs created in the 50s? And it is an obvious lie that they only had one TV in the house and that their father chose the shows to watch when he got home from work. That story about being happy to have a 10-inch black and white in their bedroom is also ludicrous.
9. It is absolutely a right to have access to cartoons and other special programming 24/7. It’s not your fault that your parents had to wait to Saturday to watch them for 4 hours until American Bandstand came on to signal them that their TV watching time was over for the WHOLE WEEK. (If that is even true).
10. Allowance… You should receive a generous allowance every week. You should not be required to work for it. You should only spend it on actual purchases for yourself. This means that you should get “extra allowance” at Christmas to buy gifts for your family and friends. You also should not spend your allowance on outings, like going to the movies. Your parents should pay for that separately, whenever you need to go somewhere with your friends.
11. Your friends come before family. So, let’s say your Great Aunt dies, your parents should not make you miss your plans with your new friend for a stupid funeral. If they do, you should be clear with them that they are now hated.
12. Cooking. You don’t do it and most of the time your parents don’t either. There are professionals who create take out meals for you. You must be very clear what take out you like though. Your parents cannot read your mind and may insist on buying you food that you do not like. If they do this, you must refuse to eat it. They’ll get you something else.
13. In the horrible event that you have to cook, insist that your parents purchase pre-packaged foods that can be cooked in the microwave. Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is too hard to make. You need the individual serving microwave kind. Condensed soup and tuna fish also fall into the “hard to make” category. Insist on one-step meals.
14. You must insist that you have your own PC. If you don’t, your parents may try to use it when you need to chat with your friends. They may use excuses like, “I need to pay the bills online”. Do not fall for such nonsense.
15. If you really need to talk to your Mom or Dad while they are at work, do not worry that they might be so-called “working”. Call them at the office at least 6 times in a row. If you are told they are “away from their desk” or “in a meeting”, call their cell phones until they answer. If that doesn’t work start again with the work number. This should be used in any sort of emergency. For example, if your friend calls and asks you to go to the mall with her on Saturday, you need to give her a reply now.
16. It is no longer necessary to steal your father’s Playboy to peruse porn. Instead, you should steal your father’s password to his favorite sites. (The pay ones are better than the free ones). If he doesn’t have this, free sites will do the trick. Just remember to clear the history and cross your fingers that your parents haven’t put these god-awful “parental controls” on your PC. If they have, use your Dad’s computer. (Not your Mom’s).
17. If your parents are divorced, which is a good probability, make sure to use that to your advantage. This works in several aspects of life.
a. School- “Last night was my visitation with Dad who I see only every two weeks. I left my homework at his house” (Make sure to look sad)
b. Money- “Dad, Mom never gives me any of that child support money you send so faithfully. Can I have 20 dollars?”
c. Money- “Mom, I am so sad about this divorce, can you buy me a new video game to make me feel better?”
d. Dating- “Mom, you’re dating, why can’t I?”
e. Dating- “Dad, my boyfriend is closer to my age than your new girlfriend is to yours…”





Stock market portfolio giving you the runs? See Dr. Stool.

Take a subscribatory!
Download 
The Anals of Stock Proctology now!



The Daily Stool - Stock Market Message Board
Stool's Gold- Gold and Precious Metals Forum
Look Out Below Message Board

Support your local Stool Board.


The Al E. Greenspeuman designer line at Stoolmart. Get yours today! Click here now!
Get Mugged!


Dr. Stool's
Book Search

Enter title, author, or keyword
Just books
All Products





Old Stool Depository

Live Steaming Pile Chart