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Stranger Than Fiction, Part 2


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#1

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Posted 29 July 2003 - 07:29 AM

Truth is Stranger than Fiction
===============================

Drug Possession Defendant, Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. "Nonsense," said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.

*********************

Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial in a district court for the armed robbery of a convenience store when he fired his lawyer. Assistant District Attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should have blown your (expletive) head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.

*********************

R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.

*********************


From MountainWings.com The Daily Inspirational Email

#2 DrStool

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Posted 29 July 2003 - 07:58 AM

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#3 DrStool

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Posted 29 July 2003 - 08:12 AM

Doc and Madame Stool will be retrieving Ma and Pa Stool at Dorval Airport this afternoon, as they arrive for a visit to Chalet Stool at Lac Sourris. The closing Anals update and the regular Anals, as well as Uncle Buck and the Long Bong Hit will not be published this evening. Regular publication will resume Wednesday morning.

As most of you know, Dad Stool, at the ripe young age of 88, has been putting up a valiant fight against pancreatic cancer since last fall. He is a real trooper, and sends his thanks for the many prayers and well wishes sent by Stoolies. I continue to ask your prayers and support for both him and Ma Stool, who has also been a tower of strength and support for Dad.

The Dad of Mousey Dung has a real serious fight with health issues on his hands, following years of a debilitating chronic illness. Doc and Madame send their prayers, and ask that Stoolies send theirs to Mousey's Dad, and of course to Mousey and family. All the best to you Mousey Dad! You are in the hearts and prayers of Stoolies the world over!

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#4

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Posted 29 July 2003 - 08:27 AM

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T BELIEVE THE NEW JOBLESS STATS

http://www.nypost.co...siness/1739.htm


SOS (same ol' stool)

#5 GregFokker

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Posted 29 July 2003 - 08:33 AM

Doc and Madame Stool will be retrieving Ma and Pa Stool at Dorval Airport this afternoon, as they arrive for a visit to Chalet Stool at Lac Sourris. The closing Anals update and the regular Anals, as well as Uncle Buck and the Long Bong Hit will not be published this evening. Regular publication will resume Wednesday morning.

As most of you know, Dad Stool, at the ripe young age of 88, has been putting up a valiant fight against pancreatic cancer since last fall. He is a real trooper, and sends his thanks for the many prayers and well wishes sent by Stoolies. I continue to ask your prayers and support for both him and Ma Stool, who has also been a tower of strength and support for Dad.

The Dad of Mousey Dung has a real serious fight with health issues on his hands, following years of a debilitating chronic illness. Doc and Madame send their prayers, and ask that Stoolies send theirs to Mousey's Dad, and of course to Mousey and family. All the best to you Mousey Dad! You are in the hearts and prayers of Stoolies the world over!

Fokker lost his beloved grandmother (Lil) 3 years ago to pancreatic cancer. Here are her last words as her husband (Mac), her children, and me, one of the grandchildren, stood around the bed.

Lil: "Honey?"

Mac : "I'm here, honey."

Lil: "If you remarry, make sure you don't marry a shlock."

Mac, laughing: "I won't remarry."

Lil: "Well, if you do."

Mrs. Fokker (Fokker's mom): "Don't worry, Ma, even if he does, she'll never find the family jewels."

Lil, chuckles: "With the state my asshole's in, no one will ever find the family jewels."

And that was that. Fokker was very close to his grandma, and misses her very much. But he doesn't mourn her, because she kicked ass to the very last.

All, send a prayer to Doc's and Mousey's pops, and to each of them too, that they don't waste the time that's given them.

...A declining spenglerian carnival of Colossaalism united with Inflation where the numbers one through 10 are forever banished as worthless arithmetical detritus from a bygone age... - Beardrech

Naturally we believe the govt numbers... and Boobus Americanus sleepwalks off the edge of the energy-crisis cliff clutching his shares of "Crisco", Yoohoo and GooGah munching on his Yum Yums and Ho Hos. Future historians will have a hell of a time figuring out what the hell Americanus neanderthalus was thinking and exactly what brought on his sudden demise... - Henny Penny

Well, good night everyone. I gotta go lube up for tomorrow's regular end-of-week Gold Slapdown and Stock Index Bear Punishment Rally Weekend Greenprint. ...Probably another Shock-and-Awe Gap-Up-Open and Wire-to-Wire Meltup Runaway Bull Charge Mo-Mo Spike to Fresh New All-Time Lifetime Highs, culminating in a 4:15 yelping scalded dog runoff with panic short-covering and legal not-held bad double fills due to fast market conditions, plus quote system freeze-ups and trading platform lock-outs along the way. *yawn* typical gov't Friday. - Shorty


#6 wndysrf

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Posted 29 July 2003 - 08:37 AM

10-Year T-Bond gapping down on the open.

Yield now in the 4.3% area.

Bond investors, GSE investors are placing their entire liquidation proceeds into Asian Exotica stocks.

What a market.

Anything goes.....................

Anything can happen................

Including Nasdaq 2500 by September.
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#7 Bearman

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Posted 29 July 2003 - 08:40 AM

Evans-Snow on crapview Takin up the Econ


they better talk up the bonds :lol:

#8 machinehead

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Posted 29 July 2003 - 08:47 AM

You knew it was coming. We've all been waiting for this moment. Well, it's arrived:

"After being all but wiped out by a near-record bear market and crash of Internet stocks, day traders are sheepishly reappearing."

But there are ... how shall we put it delicately ... some historical sensitivities involved here:

"This time, though, day traders are different in fact, many are even dropping the day-trader moniker for more professional sounding names, such as semi-pro traders or swing traders."

HAhahahahahaHHAAA. Maybe someday they'll graduate to being stool traders ... if they don't get blown out first.

Daytraders make a comeback
"GOLD -- it's not just for misers anymore."

"Dollahs -- fire-starters for the K-wave winter." - Drano

"Three humps and a dump." - anotherone, 21 SEP 2004

"No gold was harmed in the making of this movie." - Bizarro Greenspan

[i]"Da Track. Da place where Morons bet on Animals Controlled by Criminals."
- our jickiss

#9 Bearman

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Posted 29 July 2003 - 08:48 AM

Evans Quote " Economy spring loaded to go up"

Yea Higher debt with higher long term interest rates :lol:

#10 GregFokker

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Posted 29 July 2003 - 08:50 AM

Evans Quote " Economy spring loaded to go up"

Yea Higher debt with higher long term interest rates :lol:

Makes you think of Wile E. Coyote with the huge spring against the boulder. He lifts his feet and doesn't budge while the spring explodes out, taking off his fur.

...A declining spenglerian carnival of Colossaalism united with Inflation where the numbers one through 10 are forever banished as worthless arithmetical detritus from a bygone age... - Beardrech

Naturally we believe the govt numbers... and Boobus Americanus sleepwalks off the edge of the energy-crisis cliff clutching his shares of "Crisco", Yoohoo and GooGah munching on his Yum Yums and Ho Hos. Future historians will have a hell of a time figuring out what the hell Americanus neanderthalus was thinking and exactly what brought on his sudden demise... - Henny Penny

Well, good night everyone. I gotta go lube up for tomorrow's regular end-of-week Gold Slapdown and Stock Index Bear Punishment Rally Weekend Greenprint. ...Probably another Shock-and-Awe Gap-Up-Open and Wire-to-Wire Meltup Runaway Bull Charge Mo-Mo Spike to Fresh New All-Time Lifetime Highs, culminating in a 4:15 yelping scalded dog runoff with panic short-covering and legal not-held bad double fills due to fast market conditions, plus quote system freeze-ups and trading platform lock-outs along the way. *yawn* typical gov't Friday. - Shorty


#11 strikerm3

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Posted 29 July 2003 - 08:53 AM

Doc and Madame Stool will be retrieving Ma and Pa Stool at Dorval Airport this afternoon, as they arrive for a visit to Chalet Stool at Lac Sourris. The closing Anals update and the regular Anals, as well as Uncle Buck and the Long Bong Hit will not be published this evening. Regular publication will resume Wednesday morning.  

As most of you know, Dad Stool, at the ripe young age of 88, has been putting up a valiant fight against pancreatic cancer since last fall. He is a real trooper, and sends his thanks for the many prayers and well wishes sent by Stoolies. I continue to ask your prayers and support for both him and Ma Stool, who has also been a tower of strength and support for Dad.

The Dad of Mousey Dung has a real serious fight with health issues on his hands, following years of a debilitating chronic illness. Doc and Madame send their prayers, and ask that Stoolies send theirs to Mousey's Dad, and of course to Mousey and family.  All the best to you Mousey Dad! You are in the hearts and prayers of Stoolies the world over!

Fokker lost his beloved grandmother (Lil) 3 years ago to pancreatic cancer. Here are her last words as her husband (Mac), her children, and me, one of the grandchildren, stood around the bed.

Lil: "Honey?"

Mac : "I'm here, honey."

Lil: "If you remarry, make sure you don't marry a shlock."

Mac, laughing: "I won't remarry."

Lil: "Well, if you do."

Mrs. Fokker (Fokker's mom): "Don't worry, Ma, even if he does, she'll never find the family jewels."

Lil, chuckles: "With the state my asshole's in, no one will ever find the family jewels."

And that was that. Fokker was very close to his grandma, and misses her very much. But he doesn't mourn her, because she kicked ass to the very last.

All, send a prayer to Doc's and Mousey's pops, and to each of them too, that they don't waste the time that's given them.

Sorry guys. Keep them fighting doc!...Fokker its good that your grandma spent her last moments with those she loved.

#12 DrStool

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Posted 29 July 2003 - 09:00 AM

or Nasdaq 1100.

No more bears anywhere. Hyper bullish sentiment. Hyper speculation in a tiny handful of stocks. Daily sightings of flying shit. Endemic fraud and corruption. Trade conflicts. Liquidity collapsing. Bond market meltdown. Dollar weak. Stock market running on fumes and memories. It's almost August, when both 1929 and 1987 topped out.

The conditions today are virtually the same, only bigger and more systemic, because residential real estate and residential mortgages are at the core of the situation.

If your portfolio has you feeling irregular, for fast, long lasting relief, take a subscribatory. And support your local Stool!

#13 The Mad Hungarian

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Posted 29 July 2003 - 09:00 AM

Another sign that the bubble is back: Ryan Jacob of Internet Fund fame was on Crapvision this morning talking about one of Mark's Asian Exoticas: SINA.
I laugh every time I see Ryan or the guys from the original Internet Fund on TV, I used to work with them.

#14 alceringa

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Posted 29 July 2003 - 09:01 AM

One more stranger than fiction story for the file.............



Man who beat fiancee with cat faces animal cruelty charges

A German man who whipped his fiancee with a cat faces prosecution under strict animal-rights laws.

The 43-year-old, of Ludwigslust, picked up the cat and repeatedly beat his fiancee with it while he was drunk.

It isn't known whether the 49-year-old woman would file charges of assault. She suffered cuts and bruises.

The cat died during the attack.

Story filed: 10:07 Tuesday 29th July 2003
Link
"Americans can always be counted on to do the right thing...after they have exhausted all other possibilities."
Churchill

"You can fool some of the people all of the time."
Lincoln

"I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered."
Jefferson

#15 wndysrf

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Posted 29 July 2003 - 09:07 AM

NTES now up $6 in the PreMarket.

Most likely, this will play out as a huge gap and crap.

Stock is way overextended out of its channel.

Extreme Sports Bears should short it on the open.

Asian Madness continues...............
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