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Something Cheerful And Uplifting


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#1

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Posted 22 July 2003 - 07:39 AM

Gee, Glad.

I was trying to derive something inspirational from your opening, but the more I read, the more depressed I got.

Think I'll go back to bed and pull the covers up. :rolleyes:

Guess what, chibear, that's exactly what I did after opening the thread, including the pulling the covers up bit. I had gone to bed very late the night before (actually the morning of) :blink: and I really did need the extra beautyrest. And perhaps it could also be said that it depressed me as much to post it as it depressed you to read it. :( So maybe I should make up for it by posting something cheerful, like another one of them Tales From The Crypt or Vault Of Horror or Haunt Of Fear comic book covers from the Fifties.

Turns out that business kept me away from Stoolville after my Second Awakening until 8:30 PM last night. And almost immediately I saw your post. And as The Crypt Keeper is my witness it made me laugh for the very first time that day. :lol:

And out of a sense of gratitude for making me laugh and in accordance with my ongoing desire to maintain and embellish my reputation as Glad The Merciful, I will actually refrain from posting another depressing opening this morning. You see, I already had one lined up last night and destined for The Stoolville Night Deposit Box pending it's use this morning.

So instead, thanks to chibear, I would now have you all think of something cheerful and uplifting, like those magnificent old ECville ladies from fifty years ago, The Crypt Keeper, The Vault Keeper and The Old Witch, :) , rather than what's going to happen to our economy. :shocked

#2 DrStool

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Posted 22 July 2003 - 08:10 AM

Had a conversation with your friend and mine Greg Fokker last night. I asked his opinion about why no one seemed to believe in Doc any more. Subscribers continue to leave. Very few new stoolies join the fold. Traffic is way down, half the stoolies are boolish, and stoolies talk about other poodits about ten thousand times more often than they mention Doc. The Stool, while not exactly on the edge of catastrophe, is struggling.

Greg told good old Doc what the problem was.

It's the Anals- toilet thing.

Other newsletters which approach the market with the serious concern it deserves, not likening it to the lower digestive tract and toilet things, do ten times, NAY, ONE HUNDRED TIMES the business the Stool does. And at prices TEN to TWENTY times higher than the Stool. And according to Fokker these poodits are hacks compared to Doc. (Quite the brown noser he is. :lol: )

With this in mind Doc has decided the following. There will be no more sophomoric toilet humor, demeaning of the august importance of money, and Wall Street in our lives, on this website. The site will be known from now on as Capital's Tool, and the proprietor is Dr. Stepann S. Tool, the keeper of Capital's Tool. There are to be no more references to Anals, Stool, crap, turds, caca, shit, the brown stuff, the lower digestive tract, opening or closing your Anals, accessing your Anals, subscribatories, ASSes or anything of the sort. Over, kaput, fini!

From now on it's all business. No more half naked women. No more allusions to sex. That's it!

In addition, subscription prices will be raised by one thousand per cent, in order to stay in line with the competition. Since almost no one is subscribing at $74 per year the subscription price will go up to $740 per year. That way, when no one still subscribes, at least the price will be competitive, and Capitals Tool will make ten times as much as Capitalstool.

The price increase will be effective next month, or maybe next year, or whenever I have time to change it.

BUTT in the meantime, if you still want to access your Anals, and support your ASS for the low low price of $19.29 for three months, and $74 per year thereafter, TAKE A SUBSCRIBATORY RIGHT NOW! and download your Anals daily.

Your loving benevolent dick tater and Supreme Chief of Stock Proctology extraordinaire,

His Excellassy,

Doctor Stepan N. Stool

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#3 GregFokker

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Posted 22 July 2003 - 08:15 AM

Eeek!

Perhaps everyone could hit the Pooper Scooper™ and squeeze one out for the good Doc, click on some links, buy a book, and help keep Doc from trading it all for a starched Century 21 blazer and black laceup shoes.

...A declining spenglerian carnival of Colossaalism united with Inflation where the numbers one through 10 are forever banished as worthless arithmetical detritus from a bygone age... - Beardrech

Naturally we believe the govt numbers... and Boobus Americanus sleepwalks off the edge of the energy-crisis cliff clutching his shares of "Crisco", Yoohoo and GooGah munching on his Yum Yums and Ho Hos. Future historians will have a hell of a time figuring out what the hell Americanus neanderthalus was thinking and exactly what brought on his sudden demise... - Henny Penny

Well, good night everyone. I gotta go lube up for tomorrow's regular end-of-week Gold Slapdown and Stock Index Bear Punishment Rally Weekend Greenprint. ...Probably another Shock-and-Awe Gap-Up-Open and Wire-to-Wire Meltup Runaway Bull Charge Mo-Mo Spike to Fresh New All-Time Lifetime Highs, culminating in a 4:15 yelping scalded dog runoff with panic short-covering and legal not-held bad double fills due to fast market conditions, plus quote system freeze-ups and trading platform lock-outs along the way. *yawn* typical gov't Friday. - Shorty


#4 Bearman

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Posted 22 July 2003 - 08:22 AM

The Bear destroys all things in its way.

Stay true to your beliefs.That way I belive in the end

all will be well. The buble is on its last air flow.

As 2004 comes into view so will the ugly truth

about the Buy & Hold myth :lol:

Bearman

#5 Guest_The CoinGuy_*

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Posted 22 July 2003 - 08:31 AM

Eeek!

Perhaps everyone could hit the Pooper Scooper™ and squeeze one out for the good Doc, click on some links, buy a book, and help keep Doc from trading it all for a starched Century 21 blazer and black laceup shoes.

Just picked up a book Fokker...been wanting to buy Technical Analysis A-Z by Steven Achelis. Doc had it on sale. Tanks Doc...

Did I hear a blurb about IBM sending jobs to India? Anyone?

Good Trading to all today,

TCG

#6 summoner

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Posted 22 July 2003 - 08:36 AM

Hey doc still read you every night...fact that lots of bears are gone is the ultimate BEARISH sign....they will be back, dont you worry. Well Wyndy called it ...Lehman upgrading the semi cap equipment makers this morning. Totally flat in the trading acct as of the close yesterday...will be scaling back into puts and shorts depending on what DOC has to say. TRADE SAFE
" I' ve got a left handed hook and a right handed hook, the pros are gonna love me, I'm amphibious"

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NC STATE UNIVERSITY

#7 Ned38

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Posted 22 July 2003 - 08:39 AM

Huh????????

Whaaaaaaaa????

Doctor Doctor:

Are you tellin' me that this place is frequented by low lifes and ne'er do well freeloaders ?????? Booools in bears clothing?...........CHEAPSKATES !!!!!!!

Ugh---------------I am appalled.

I think the solution is obvious--------------------a scarlet letter.

Subscribers should be identified as such and freeloaders outted.

I will add that info to " signature" pronto.

#8 Charmin

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Posted 22 July 2003 - 08:41 AM

Well, I don't know what to make of Doc this mornin butt:

Investors' Intelligence reported on Monday that there were 531 buying climaxes in the US stock market last week (a buying climax occurs when a stock makes a new 52-week high and then reverses to close down on the week). This is the highest number of buying climaxes ever recorded by Investors' Intelligence. In fact, since the early 1990s there have only been 5 weeks with more than 200 buying climaxes. Take this any way you want, but don't take it bullishly

that'll be good for bears
Cycles + Wyckoff + NTM = TechnoPile
A true Master averts disaster

#9 DrStool

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Posted 22 July 2003 - 08:42 AM

Of course, you knew that Dr. Stool is an egg spurt on Natural Gas. Doc assures you there is no finer gas than Natural Gas. You can find the scent of Natural Gas in today's Suctor Watch. And remember it was Doc who warned you weeks ago not to hold your Gas! It's time to let go of your Gas. See for yourself in today's Natural Gas release in Suctor Watch.. If you are unable to find your release of Natural Gas, Take a subscribatory to the Anals, and get the Gas release you're looking for RIGHT NOW!

If your portfolio has you feeling irregular, for fast, long lasting relief, take a subscribatory. And support your local Stool!

#10 wndysrf

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Posted 22 July 2003 - 08:43 AM

I see that some house has come out with an upgrade on AMAT, the Leading Economic Indicator of the Global Economy.

As a result, a huge spike occurred in the futures, as Team Al Green knows exactly which stocks to goose in order to get the Greyhounds moving in the right direction.

Ignore E-Woofers, Gann Fanners, Astrologists, and all the rest.

Follow the leader.

Follow AMAT.

And also the Primary Objects of Speculation, the Asian Exotica. The choice picks for all participants in the MTV Spring Break Episode which never ends.
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#11 machinehead

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Posted 22 July 2003 - 08:43 AM

A fellow Stoolie is in trouble in the Florida panhandle. Let's help him!

Man pleads insanity; moons jury
"GOLD -- it's not just for misers anymore."

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#12 Charmin

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Posted 22 July 2003 - 08:46 AM

for one to three day night stand
Cycles + Wyckoff + NTM = TechnoPile
A true Master averts disaster

#13 Bearman

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Posted 22 July 2003 - 08:50 AM

Coinguy Did I hear a blurb about IBM sending jobs to India?

I heard it also :lol:

Freetrade :lol: Or should it be pronounced

freeslaves :o

#14 Guest_libertas_*

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Posted 22 July 2003 - 08:50 AM

Follow the leader.

Follow AMAT.

.

It's nothing to do with AMAT as a stock. It's just that, when fund managers think the market is going up then they want their portfolio beta greater than 1. So they add beta - the semis. Vice versa when the market is going down, so they sell 'em. Of course, this activity increases their beta and makes them even more attractive as a beta adjustment.

So its a kind of circular argument. Why are the semis pumped? Because they can be, is one answer.

#15 chibear

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Posted 22 July 2003 - 08:57 AM

Thanks, Glad. After reading the opening I ran into the yard and raced around , jumping up and down and tapping my heels in mid air. :rolleyes:

Then I read Doc's opening comment and I went back to bed and pulled up the covers. :(





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