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SEC releasing hedge fund report next week by Leticia Williams

 

WASHINGTON (CBS.MW) -- The Securities and Exchange Commission will release an anticipated staff report on the hedge fund industry next week, the agency said Friday. The report is expected to contain recommendations that the agency require the scant-regulated funds to register with the SEC as investment advisers, subjecting them to regulatory oversight for the first time. The SEC will hold a briefing on the report Monday at 10 a.m

 

SEC findings:

 

The SEC has found that the hedge fund industry has been engaged in extremely risky behavior, and recommends immediate supervision. The weaknesses and risks are outlined below.

 

- Average age of hedge fund trader is 28 years old or less.

 

- Average attention span of hedge fund trader: 5 minutes or less.

 

- Extensive gaming of two many positions, in too many different markets

 

- Aggressive use of credit lines to boost performance

 

- Inability to execute risk management strategies, due to large number hedges and options which fail to function properly.

 

- Too much high fiving, irresponsible social behavior, including use of Escort services

 

- Loss of hearing by most participants, due to excessive blaring from bullhorns, loudspeakers and television monitors.

 

- Reliance on advertising agencies, boiler rooms to solicit new investors.

 

- Inability to track fund?s performance, little or no record keeping found.

 

- Preferential treatment given to Matrix ? sponsored firms, who receive advance notice of Repo Blasts and Program Robot Buying

 

- Establishment of off-shore, off balance sheet, leveraged trading units in the Caribbean, used for tax evasion and performance enhancement.

 

- Outlandish salaries and perks paid to managers, based on phony performance records.

 

- Inability for investors to learn of fund?s position except after fiscal year end.

 

- Refusal of most managers to participate in S&P HedgeFund Index, due to disclosure requirements.

 

- Extensive use of Black Holes Models which are too reliant on Greenspammed Economic Assumptions, Chronic Interventions and Stick Saves, and coordinated Matrix Programming of market direction.

 

- Failed diversified trading strategies result in wholesale retreat from prudent investment practices, and increasingly leveraged and concentrated bets are used to ?catch up? from prior mistakes.

 

Overall, the SEC finds the entire industry behaving in a reckless manner, using phony record keeping to solicit more participants into the Ponzi Scheme, and few have been able to meet or beat the S & P 500 index. A chosen few have performed remarkably well, but we suspect they have been trading on insider information from The Matrix. Primary benefactors of the few successful hedge funds have been the Board of Directors of the NYSE, CEO's of New York money center banks, and Federal Reserve officials.

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This morning on IDS, Bearman noted that Prechter of EWI calls once again for a major decline. Pile and Bhudda stopped by long enough to cast dispersion upon the record of Mr. Prechter's predictions. Allow me to paraphrase their critique:

 

Bob Prechter's an old Market inspector

But he's as good as a broken reflector

If my German's correct

You'll easily detect

That Prechter again will prove Schlechter

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Market sell-off at the close, which continues to support my view that this rally is done. Behavior of the market has changed. No more stick saves. And all those upgrades were a major clue this rally was over.

 

Therefore, I added more to my shorts today, even though I am still very nervous. Usually when I'm nervous I'm right.

 

Now 50% short.

 

Love that close!

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Sep. 29, 2003: the WORST DAY IN HISTORY!!!

 

Sorry ... just practicing my Arch Crawford impersonation. :huh:

 

But seriously, the Naz is falling apart. Lots of punters and hedgehogs got leveraged up on it. The last thing they need in a shaky economy is for their 'Hail Mary' bet to turn on them and clean them out.

 

Many worried souls will be flipping anxiously through Barron's this weekend, searching for words of encouragement.

 

The market can still be saved, if Al gets back on the ball with a monster Feed fart. But any unexpected event -- the sort that reminds us that the world is a chaotic place where no one is really in charge -- could shatter confidence and provoke a 'Blue Monday,' if not something darker.

 

Snarling bearish. Death to the Naz! B)

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Swing Low Sweet Chariot

 

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Long Bong Gets High as Yield Drops

Uncle Buck Low and Stable

 

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Guest libertas
This morning on IDS, Bearman noted that Prechter of EWI calls once again for a major decline. Pile and Bhudda stopped by long enough to cast dispersion upon the record of Mr. Prechter's predictions. Allow me to paraphrase their critique:

 

Bob Prechter's an old Market inspector

But he's as good as a broken reflector

If my German's correct

You'll easily detect

That Prechter again will prove Schlecter

Schlechter.

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Prechter's an easy target. But this time he's right. The clear 5-wave down from the SPX top is an indication of direction that we haven't seen since the move up off the March lows.

 

Dow and SPX did NOT close on lows for the day. Close, but higher than intraday lows. Both those patterns look like potential s/t bottoms to me. It's not unusual to see the 50-dma penetrated a couple of times and then the thing turns back.

 

XAU: we're going back to fill all the gaps. 88. 78. 74.

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