The End Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 From the 1998 Darwin Awards - I thought it fitting considering the theme of this website and the current state of the markets: PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Freidrich Reisfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly - and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents." I say, Cheney is to blame! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiHat Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Pat Robertson is just trying to cover his bloody ass. Basically he's Fundamentally Insane...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The End Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 http://mlb.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/mlb/news/mlb...tives&fext=.jsp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lock Limit Down Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 What happened to Sleddog? I hope all is well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The End Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Hows about a little F.Z. Do you know what you are? You are what you is You is what you am (A cow don't make ham...) You ain't what you're not So see what you got You are what you is An' that's all it 'tis A foolish young man From a middle class fam'ly Started singin' the blues 'Cause he thought it was manly Now he talks like the Kingfish ("Saffiiiee!") From Amos 'n Andy ("Holy mack'l dere. . .Holy mack'l dere") He tells you that chitlins. . . Well, they taste just like candy He thinks that he's got De whole thang down From the Nivea Lotion To de Royal Crown Do you know what you are? You are what you is You is what you am (A cow don't make ham. . .) You ain't what you're not So see what you got You are what you is An' that's all it 'tis A foolish young man Of the Negro Persuasion Devoted his life To become a Caucasian He stopped eating pork He stopped eating greens He traded his dashiki ("Uhuru!") For some Jordache Jeans He learned to play golf An' he got a good score Now he says to himself "I AIN'T NO NIGGER NO MORE. HEY! HEY! "I don't understand you. . ." BWANA MA-COO-BAH" Would you please speak more clearly..." MERCEDES BAINNNNNNNZ Who is who (I don't know...) 'N what is what (Somethin' I just don't know...) 'N why is this (Tell me now...) Appropriot (That's a funny pronunciation if 'n ever I heard one...) If you don't like (Where'd you get that word?) What you has got (Appropriot? The word is not...) Drop it in the dirt (Drop it yeah. . .) 'N let it rot (I can smell it now. . .) Someone else (Here de come, here de come...) Will surely come (I told you they was comin'. . .) 'N pick it up (That's right!) 'Cause he wants some (An'he wants it for free. ..) And when one day (There will come a day...) You wonder who (I wonder too...) You used to was (Who I was anyway. . .) 'N what you do (I used to work at the post office...) You'll scratch your head (But I don't wanna un-do my doo. . .) 'N look around (just to see what's goin' on. . .) But what you lost (Can't seem to find it...) Will not be found A Mercedes Benz.. Do you know what you are? (I know...) You are what you is (I'm the kinda guy...) You is what you am (That ought to be drivin' a Mercedes Benz...) A cow don't make a ham (A four-fifty SLC. . .) You ain't what your not (A big ol' red one. . .) So see what you got (With some golf clubs stickin' out de trunk.. .) You are what you is (I'm gwine down to de links on Saturday mornin'. ..) An' that's all it is (Gimme a five dollar bill. . .) YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS (And an overcoat too...) AN' THAT'S ALL IT IS (Robbie, take me to Creek Town...) YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS (I'm harder than yer husband; harder than yer husband...) AN THAT'S ALL IT IS (I'm goin down to White Street, y'all...) YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS (Gone down to the Mudd Club, 'n work the wall...) AN THAT'S ALL IT IS ('N work the floor 'n work the pipe 'N work the wall some more. . . And here we are at the Mudd Club, y'all... I h??? you enjoy yourself, cause the show's about To begin. . .) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The brown one Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Just watched the first part of the BBC series "The Power of Nightmares". Basic premise was that US politics used to be about selling the people dreams.No longer--you sell them nightmares and tell them that you can prevent their worst nightmares becoming reality.You now give folks fear! Shows the neo-cons for what they are; con-men always lying and making stuff up to get their way.They've had the CIA hackles up since pre-Reagan times. Must see series--but I doubt that anyone in the US will air it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brisbane Bear Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Yobob1, At the risk of exposing my severe lack of intellect and formal education,here is a little story about my involvement with Yobob 1 and Capitalstool. I made a ton of money during tech bubble 1,and then promptly lost it when it burst. I wasn't a computer person,and didn't know much about the internet,I belonged to one forum that discussed share trading,it was really just a "rampers" chatroom. Someone recommended Capitalstool. So I visited the site and come across a Yobob post,it was a very long post explaining all manner of economic matters,and I thought this bloke seems to know his stuff,then I read a Machinehead post and he seemed to know his stuff as well,then I attempted to read a Bareister post but couldnt understand a thing he said :grin: ,then I read Docs rant and raving and I thought this guy really knows whats going on. I actually thought these guys were some kind academics,I read the title below their avatar and thought they were "associate professors of stock proctology" or "Professor of stock proctology" or "interns"...I didnt know what a proctologist was, I just thought it had something to do with the markets ...it just seemed like a lot of very well educated people discussing the markets and the economy,I felt way out of my depth,but was very interested in their respective views,it took me quite awhile to realise that these guys were just normal people who had an alternative view of the world and the whole site was framed in a humorous "scatilogical" way.I just didnt notice any of the humour,I was interested in learning about how the markets worked and these guys seemed to know,so I just read everything I could possibly read and set about trying to educate myself.I am very happy to say that I have learnt more in 3 years here than I did in my previous 40 years on earth....so Yobob get your arse back here mate...all questions are going to be answered soon enough....the bulls are in dire straights,the sheeple are going to be ground into dust,the decade of the bear is nigh.... PS I did finally learn to read Baristers posts and found his knowledge(especially history) and humour to be first rate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The End Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Some take the bible For what it's worth When it says that the meek Shall inherit the Earth Well, I heard that some sheik Has bought New Jersey last week 'N you suckers ain't gettin' nothin' Is Hare Rama really wrong If you wander around With a napkin on With a bell on a stick An' your hair is all gone . . . (The geek shall inherit nothin') You say yer life's a bum deal 'N yer up against the wall . . . Well, people, you ain't even got no kinda Deal at all 'Cause what they do In Washington They just takes care of NUMBER ONE An' NUMBER ONE ain't YOU You ain't even NUMBER TWO Those Jesus Freaks Well, they're friendly but The shit they believe Has got their minds all shut An' they don't even care When the church takes a cut Ain't it bleak when you got so much nothin' (So whaddya do? Hey!) Eat that pork Eat that ham Laugh till ya choke On Billy Graham Moses, Aaron 'n Abraham . . . They're all a waste of time 'N it's your ass that's on the line (IT'S YOUR ASS THAT'S ON THE LINE) Do what you wanna Do what you will Just don't mess up Your neighbor's thrill 'N when you pay the bill Kindly leave a little tip And help the next poor sucker On his one way trip . . . SOME TAKE THE BIBLE . . . (Aw gimme a half a dozen for the hotel room!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The brown one Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Second that Brisbane and congrats on your one-thousandth post! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The End Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Good Post BB. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
machinehead Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Hows about a little F.Z. Saw F.Z.'s live concert ... 27 years ago. Never got to see the D.K.'s, though ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The End Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 Hows about a little F.Z. Saw F.Z.'s live concert ... 27 years ago. Never got to see the D.K.'s, though ... Me neither. If Jello comes around, I will be there. A DK song From Fresh Fruit for rotten vegetables coming up (their first album). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No Einstein Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 unions today bargin for "job security and or benifts" at best. not wages. Oh, really? In addition to objecting to increases in health care costs, the unions are also pressing for raises and a short two-year contract (rather than a five- year contract) that would enable them to synchronize their contract with others around the nation and potentially gain greater leverage in future negotiations. SF Hotel Worker's Strike bud, the way I read that article the management has locked them out. That's why I digressed about Reagan, Management just locks them out untill the scabbs start returning. Just like Reagan taught them. Unions do not have any power. NE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The End Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 "Holiday In Cambodia" Plus "I fought the law" So you been to school for a year or two And you know you've seen it all In daddy's car thinkin' you'll go far Back east your type don't crawl Play ethnick jazz to parade your snazz On your five grand stereo Braggin that you know how the niggers feel cold And the slums got so much soul It's time to taste what you most fear Right Guard will not help you here Brace yourself, my dear It's a holiday in Cambodia It's tough kid, but it's life It's a holiday in Cambodia Don't forget to pack a wife Your a star-belly sneech you suck like a leech You want everyone to act like you Kiss ass while you bitch so you can get rich But your boss gets richer on you Well you'll work harder with a gun in your back For a bowl of rice a day Slave for soldiers til you starve Then your head skewered on a stake Now you can go where people are one Now you can go where they get things done What you need my son: Is a holiday in Cambodia Where people dress in black A holiday in Cambodia Where you'll kiss ass or crack Pol Pot, Pol Pot, Pol Pot, Pol Pot [etc.] And it's a holiday in Cambodia Where you'll do what you're told A holiday in Cambodia Where the slums got so much soul ---------------------------------------------- I Fought the Law (and I Won) Drinkin' beer in the hot sun I fought the law and I won I needed sex and I got mine I fought the law and I won The law don't mean shit if you've got the right friends That's how the country's run Twinkies are the best friend I've ever had I fought the law And I won I blew George & Harvey's brains out with my six-gun I fought the law and I won Gonna write my book and make a million I fought the law and I won I'm the new folk hero of the Ku Klux Klan My cop friends think that's fine You can get away with murder if you've got a badge I fought the law And I won I am the law So I won Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brian4 Posted October 20, 2004 Report Share Posted October 20, 2004 The perfect simile...a constipated Elephant who shits on people and the Market...another First on Capital Stool...that Zookeeper thinks just like "Shrub"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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