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Ags Nightmare

Future Stock Market Rally Excuse Headlines

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“Stocks Rally on Asteroid Hope” Investor’s scooped up shares in favorite names today in anticipation of a giant asteroid the size of Minneapolis landing some where along the East coast early next week. Huge Johnson from Front Running Capital chimed in. “We think this will be a great opportunity for you to buy good stocks of good companies at a good price once the asteroid hits. If it misses Peoria, we really like Caterpillar. If it misses the East coast, we advise you to buy Goldman Sucks as they will own the world.” Huge also added, “The Fed will step in to provide liquidity to the survivors. This is a great chance for those who don’t get blown to smithereens to own shares of companies left standing. I’d buy ahead of this thing hitting just in case you live.” “Radiation Levels Peak in California, Stocks Look Past Health Concerns and Rally” Stocks surged today led by the Chinese Mafia Company Bye Doo as radiation levels increased throughout the state of California. Current readings are the highest on record since the earthquake in Japan caused a nuclear melt down. Investors shrugged off warnings that the air is shit and bought a [...]

 

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